It always amused me hugely when Spurs wore ‘Pony’ kit, but just because they don’t any more I don’t see why we can’t have fun with some good old Tottenham Cockney Rhyming Slang.
| White Hart Lane | Torture and pain |
| Sit in the Shelf | All by yourself |
| Match summary by Hoddle | Load of old twaddle |
| Attacking formation | Certain relegation |
| ’Arry Redknapp | Load of crap |
| AVB | Gone by January |
| Younes Kaboul | What a fool |
| Kyle Walker | Bit of a porker |
| Sebastien Bassong | Gets defence wrong |
| Tom Huddlestone | Always outdone |
| Gareth Bale | Champions League Fail |
| Van Der Vaart | Silly tart |
| Jermaine Jenas | Tiny penis |
| Luka Modric | Impertinent titch |
| Alan Sugar | Silly bugger |
| Aaron Lennon | Utter lemon |
| Jan Vertonghen | Total wrong’un |
| Levy’s backing | Definite sacking |
| Christian Gross | Relegation was close |
| Title winning form | Hardly the norm |
| David Bentley | Success infrequently |
| Jermain Defoe | England’s woe |
Now you may say that perhaps Tottenham Cockney Rhyming Slang shouldn’t exist, because Tottenham didn’t become part of London until 1965 when Greater London was created as a municipal area. But I say let them in. London is big enough to welcome all and sundry.
If you look at the comments you’ll see that NewsNow have done their usual trick of putting any mention on Spurs in their Tottenham list, hence the plethora of Spurs fans commenting. Sorry Spurs fans, I can’t help what aggregator sites do, but try and keep a sense of humour about it (some have, so well done to those).
Follow me on twitter: @AngryOfN5
angryofislington 
Literally the least funny thing i’ve read in my life…and i’ve read all about the hollocaust.
And you are literally the first Spurs fan to bite. Well done.
maybe so(Tottenham didn’t become part of London until 1965 )but we have always been north of the river
spells holocaust wrong. well done (slow hand clap)
Arsene Wenger : king of the benders
‘arry Redknapp : can’t write or do maths
Hollo-caust = an empty sarcastic remark that echoes
bunch of *****
what a load of crap!
You have far to much time on your hands!!
idiot
angryofislington————-likes a good fisting.
Worst rhyme ever. Anyway, it depends if I’m giving or receiving.
rum n coke : sucks til he chokes
what ??? ..utter rubbish…why not concentrate on your own mud team…
Load of horseshit !
something very different from all the blogs.Very nice too.
Angry..you seem to have too much time on yr hands which would imply that you spend your time using your hands.
Seriously, I couldn’t be bothered to even try to do this to the local Arab buttock lick or even their supporters. You illegally screwed us in 1919 and you have been obsesssed with us ever since(it’s called a “guilt Complex”) and when you actually started to play decent football like we always have, you actually had the nerve to boast about it. Didn’t your mum love you or your father think highly of you. Can I help you overcome this problem?.
What is so funny is that most of us appreciate your manager more than you lot do.
wait, you missed the bit about being the first team to play with white featured in their kit, which Arsenal obviously stole from you
you recall the last time that was handy? back in ’61, on the telly
Thasnk you..did you realise that you actually palyed good football for about two seasons around then with a guy caled George Eastham as your playmake and one sadly neglected by England. Anyway thank you for the bite as we have to keep up the woolwich wanderer handbags thing don’t we? Had you lot stayed in Woolwich we could have even been almost friendly ooops i forgot cheats prosper in 1919…. big stain there always ignored by you lot. I wonder why? Don’t you lot have ANY shame?
your lack of creativity or sense of humour…. is just shocking. what a poor attempt to ‘have a go’ at Spurs. JOG on dickhead
Is a Spurs fan really saying that reading about the holocaust was funnier than this ? Scary…
Fool keeps writing articles about Tottenham. If I was a gooner I’d be embarrassed that one of my own spent that much time thinking about a rival. Doesn’t take a second to come on here and quickly point out what a pathetic moron the writer of this article is but what gooners have got to ask themselves is how long did it take this fool to sit there and write this article and whether they want this kind of crap associated with their stink.
Gotta be honest, mate, other Arsenal fans don’t seem to mind. Maybe relax a little eh?
you are so right. It only takes a couple of seconds to see the great tradition of Spurs at play too, http://www.flickr.com/photos/30204630@N06/5627299082/
i dont get it tho, how come haringay didnt come under london back then ? arsenal moved to islington in 1913 does that mean we werent in london too? and we came from woolich, was woolich classed as london? get back to me
Towns around London town were in municipal boroughs.In 1965 they all became greater London. So if you want to be funny about it no teams are originally from London ! anyway COYS !!
Very intelligent comment. North London is ours. The passion is ours. The moral high ground is ours. We wil rise again to put Woolwich in our shadow. The tide is turning. ” Oh when the Spurs go marching in ” from the new Kop end in new stadium and Tottenham will be globally iconic. mark my words!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just not funny.
more cockney rhyming slang for you……..angry of islington…………….retard.
Slightly missing the point there mate, good try.
that’s how its done in N1
N1….. lets set this hole on fire and steal from Tesco!
I just hope GBJ is anywhere near as good as Wenger, who does amazing with the players he’s got.
hahaha that was so shit.
tottenham fans get so excited
RvP- Set me free
Samir Nasri- A bigger club has me
Jack Wilshere- Play once a year
Marouane Chamakh- I’m crap in attack
Alex Song- Box-to-box pong
Lukas Padolski- My club’s a sh*thole….. ski
That’s not bad, fair play.
Bacary Sagna : Havin a laugh at ya
Thanks Phil. The idea of banter seems a foreign one to many people. Sad really.
See now these are better, not so strained dare I say “try hard”.
Nice work Brisbane. Would be good to see some actual funny ones from the gooners !
I really like the way Lennon rhymes with Lemon, well done there mate, not everyone would have thought of that!
Well if you’ve got a better idea, let me know.
Aaron Lennon- 2 assists against Bremen 😉
I’ve got a better idea Phil. don’t bother until you have an idea in the first place. poor poor effort
Aww, don’t be like that, it’s just that I thought the whole point of cockney was to make it up with words that really do rhyme…
It’s a difficult one, Lennon. Might as well be orange. Arsanal felon – Aaron Lennon. Does that make sense? In all fairness it’s not usually him that kills ya, usually Bentley or Rose.
To all you tottenham fans out there you give it so hard when your a few points clear mid-season and when it blows up in your face like it does every season you go running and hiding expecting that everyone has forgotten how you spoke about our great club Arsenal FC. We arsenal fans love to wind you dirty, chavvy, danny dyer wannabe yids up. you guys always go crying everytime we say something negative about your poor, poor club. but you guys think you can speak shit about arsenal unitl it blows up in your face and you start crying. arsenal are building my pedigree friend, be worryed
Pedigree chum …. Also “worried”.
Good try tho
Stop talking shit you mug
50 years you scum bag pikey chav, forever in our shadow
nah we are just bored sh*tless waiting for you to sell RVP so we can buy a striker etc. Or is it us selling Modric so that we can buy and you can sell…..hate summer over there as the weekends here seem so long. The OP wa sactually reasonably funny in a noxious sort of way but I always feel that the “hit” need fulfilled by provoking the old enemy is a bit woeful but at least there was an attempt at humour unlike the Chelski sites who emerged from the wastes when Abramovitch, came, saw and finally if boringly conquered, like t**ds in a poor flush and leave their stench behind always.
did you know huddersfield town have won more league titles that your dirty pikey team haha
you’re missing the point afc. You think we Spurs fans are ‘wound up’ by this? By all means, be negative about our ‘poor poor’ club. Call us what you like, but do it with just SOME humour/skill/creative thought. No one’s crying at this shite but for laughing at how shit it is.
Then you go on to say…. arsenal are building my pedigree friend, be worryed.
That is the strangest sentence I’ve ever read. Are you making dog-food or something
afc is actually quite amusing..he doesn’t reply to questions or statements of fact but just throws insults>IIRC Huddersfield town and PNE were both champions before someone at Woolwich kicked a ball buy I guess pity when deserved has to be applied. Most gooners are intelligent but not all unfortunately.
ASnyone ever see the old movie:”The Arsenal Stadium Mystery”? IIRC someone was killing off gooners and he WASN’T a THFC supporter. The shame!!!
Embarrassingly unfunny
Embarrassingly unfunny : on the money
did you know tottenham were the first team in the premier league to reach 1000 goals conceeded hahaha
Gareth Bale-Trip and fail
Assou Ekotto-Tit with an afro
Van persie – leaving cos you’re shit. Oh wait a minute……….
Watch-out lads. the free-stylers are ‘ere…
Don’t quit your day job. Unless your day job involves rhyming things, then please do quit.
Gold coast you really are a sad bastard. is that all you can say. you actually sit there and proof read my hole paragraph..tut tut time to get a job and stop sitting round watching littile british gangster movies in your spurst kit working on your danny dyer image
Wow hit a nerve with that, really ! Someone needs some counselling. It is not proof reading if your taught how to spell correctly my pedigree friend hahahahaha muppet
i think you need some counselling on the basis that you havent seen your team win anything of significance in over two decades. you little danny dyers need to wake up and smell the hummus you live for arsenal fc, you cant live without us, your goal each and every season is to finish above arsenal but you always fail with hilarious consequences. maybe i have hit a nerve with that one though
Am I missing something here or are you a complete muppet ? Danny dyer is a hammers fan. Your reply sounds like your trying to convince yourself, we know how worried you French pansies are now we’re so close to eclipsing you. A few sleepless nights is what your in for this season mr.pedigree
yeah thats right mate you guys are really, really close to “eclipsing” us, i think you’ve been close going on 6 years now…and yes you stupid yid i know danny dyer is a hammer, but all you guys act the same little chavvys,haha
Talking of pedigrees, didn’t you lot used to play football that bored the rest of the league to death?
How is it possible to support two styles of football, now that you play similar to SPURS?
ye didnt you guys win a first division trophy some 50 plus years ago? i cant seem to remember tho, it was a long time mind.
in 20 attempts no cl trophy, you may have more prem titles but you cant even match our european cups, must be very sad that your not a european heavy weight, but dont be sad your going to win the quad this season.
COYS
That was hilariously funny man ……. Why do you think it hurt so much for the
SPURS = Lasagna Connoisseurs !!!!!
Typical gooner. English or comprehension of Cockney rhyming slang a foreign subject.
Apples and pears-stairs The second part is the rhyming part for ONE word. None of the pathetic example get close.
“AVB Gone by January” and “Luka Modric Impertinent titch” illuistrate a pathetic basis for an article.
Proves that Care in the Community are negligent and Islinton is the village missing it’s idiot.
HGow embarrassing for grown up gooners to number this pathetic cretin amongst them. A new low in pathetic egos. Look at,look at me seems to come across. I’ve seen more intelligence from dog. and she accepts that she’s a bitch.
cretins’ fedup = boneless spud pup
(boneless = no league for 70 summat years?)
you my friend are a genuine taco breath.
modric = mourinho’s bitch
bale = ape with a tale
AVB = ginger retiree
vandervart = rvp’s fart
assoukoto = ugly kyoto
redknapp = what a load of crap !!!!!
I guess Tottenham fans will respond when Arsenal fans are so fixated about the ‘little’ team down the road who aren’t a threat. Oh and it’s not very funny. When you go back to school in September I think you will get a ‘see me at playtime’ or if you are at senior school ‘could do better’.
big mal = likes big gal
As pointed out, you pretend gooners don’t know what Cockney rhyming slang is, but fogetting that a moment Iceman – is that really the best you can do? You have actually read that, sat down and written Big Mal = likes big gal. I will revise my original comment – you must be in pre school. How about Iceman = likes to take big man. When you come up to London on a primary school trip in a few years time, find out what Cockney rhyming slang is all about, but one thing I agree with Redknapp – what a load of crap. Just thought of another one Arsene Wenger = a complete bender. Look forward to more of your inciteful wit.
Holloway Bowl = No atmosphere shithole.
RvP = It’s not about monee
Lauren Koscielny = Not wanted by Citeh (unluckily for Arsene)
Lukas Podolski = Definate Flopski
Chesney the clown = Flappin’ around
Lauren Chamakh = Like’s it up the dirt track
parklane = I hear a bark at the lane
Love the brand new scarves and the fact that the song petered out so quickly. ‘Here is proof of all our Jeremys, Nigels, Piers singing’. If you sing there is no need to post a clip singing, it’s just taken as read. Very very sad. Very embarrassing. Boomer – you just don’t get it.
I wouldn’t take the piss if they were any good, but really you shouldn’t be letting your 6yo post for you!
Modric a hoe = totts’ woe
Wasn’t iceman screwed by maverick?
That must have hurt but I guess it explains the material in his posts and the ease with which they explode onto the screen when he cometh.
To his Fellow gooners if he doesn’t get it explain it to him please as I must retire
Leaving will? = Pay hary’s tax bill !!!!
How funny is all this, kids in a playground, nice to know the season is almost on us, once again the Tiny Totts will fail again, once again their moronic fans will claim the ‘Delboy term’ this time we will finish above Arsenal, we will watch as we always have done since the dictator arrived that the Tiny Totts will implode at some point, when we f*** up we can always count on the Marsh dwellers to give us a laugh. Lillywhites= got the shites,
spurs’ pain = shit stain
mind the gap = fancy a crap?
dont know who plays for the arse , and o can rhyme so ….
Arsenal fc = bunch of *****
Best thing I’ve seen on the internet for a long time. Reading the comments left by sp*rs fans only made it better. GENIUS
So you also think Lennon and Lemon rhymes then?!
Mind the gap-Spurs are #@&%
will…mind that gap!!!! haha they get so full of hope this time of year, i cant wait for the famous “spurs are on the up” and/or “tottenham will definitely finish above arsenal this season”…well spurs fans we have been waiting 16 years.
You’ve been waiting for other things too for a few years… hmmm… let’s see… Oh, trophies!
martin = gap parti’n
afc you are an idiot as IF you had looked at your own sites when we had the 13 point advantage, you would have noticed my frequent comments was that it would not last and that Wenger knew what he was doing. That was when you lot were howling for his head. That has to define a moron in you.
I don’t think any of these are good enough to post, WTF, you are embarassing
Tottenham fan, are you? Do you want to know what gave it away?
cumbria spur
A serious(if possible here) question: are there any THFC sites out there that waste time trying to bait gooners?
I know that I, for one, could not be bothered, as cheating apart, we have more in common than either of us appreciate even if it gives both of us the horrors.
I only try to annoy those I like as those I don’t i wouldn’t waste my time.
Who knew trolling was so easy. Good work Phil, enjoyed watching all the losers bite.
Van de Vaart = fan the fart, I actually use that one when I fart in the pub.
Luka Modric = likes a fat bitch (says the’re more greatful)