Spurs Cockney Rhyming Slang

It always amused me hugely when Spurs wore ‘Pony’ kit, but just because they don’t any more I don’t see why we can’t have fun with some good old Tottenham Cockney Rhyming Slang.

White Hart Lane Torture and pain
Sit in the Shelf All by yourself
Match summary by Hoddle Load of old twaddle
Attacking formation Certain relegation
’Arry Redknapp Load of crap
AVB Gone by January
Younes Kaboul What a fool
Kyle Walker Bit of a porker
Sebastien Bassong Gets defence wrong
Tom Huddlestone Always outdone
Gareth Bale Champions League Fail
Van Der Vaart Silly tart
Jermaine Jenas Tiny penis
Luka Modric Impertinent titch
Alan Sugar Silly bugger
Aaron Lennon Utter lemon
Jan Vertonghen Total wrong’un
Levy’s backing Definite sacking
Christian Gross Relegation was close
Title winning form Hardly the norm
David Bentley Success infrequently
Jermain Defoe England’s woe

Now you may say that perhaps Tottenham Cockney Rhyming Slang shouldn’t exist, because Tottenham didn’t become part of London until 1965 when Greater London was created as a municipal area. But I say let them in. London is big enough to welcome all and sundry.

If you look at the comments you’ll see that NewsNow have done their usual trick of putting any mention on Spurs in their Tottenham list, hence the plethora of Spurs fans commenting. Sorry Spurs fans, I can’t help what aggregator sites do, but try and keep a sense of humour about it (some have, so well done to those).

Follow me on twitter: @AngryOfN5


104 thoughts on “Spurs Cockney Rhyming Slang

  1. Angry..you seem to have too much time on yr hands which would imply that you spend your time using your hands.

    Seriously, I couldn’t be bothered to even try to do this to the local Arab buttock lick or even their supporters. You illegally screwed us in 1919 and you have been obsesssed with us ever since(it’s called a “guilt Complex”) and when you actually started to play decent football like we always have, you actually had the nerve to boast about it. Didn’t your mum love you or your father think highly of you. Can I help you overcome this problem?.
    What is so funny is that most of us appreciate your manager more than you lot do.

    • wait, you missed the bit about being the first team to play with white featured in their kit, which Arsenal obviously stole from you

      you recall the last time that was handy? back in ’61, on the telly

      • Thasnk you..did you realise that you actually palyed good football for about two seasons around then with a guy caled George Eastham as your playmake and one sadly neglected by England. Anyway thank you for the bite as we have to keep up the woolwich wanderer handbags thing don’t we? Had you lot stayed in Woolwich we could have even been almost friendly ooops i forgot cheats prosper in 1919…. big stain there always ignored by you lot. I wonder why? Don’t you lot have ANY shame?

  2. your lack of creativity or sense of humour…. is just shocking. what a poor attempt to ‘have a go’ at Spurs. JOG on dickhead

  3. Fool keeps writing articles about Tottenham. If I was a gooner I’d be embarrassed that one of my own spent that much time thinking about a rival. Doesn’t take a second to come on here and quickly point out what a pathetic moron the writer of this article is but what gooners have got to ask themselves is how long did it take this fool to sit there and write this article and whether they want this kind of crap associated with their stink.

  4. i dont get it tho, how come haringay didnt come under london back then ? arsenal moved to islington in 1913 does that mean we werent in london too? and we came from woolich, was woolich classed as london? get back to me

    • Towns around London town were in municipal boroughs.In 1965 they all became greater London. So if you want to be funny about it no teams are originally from London ! anyway COYS !!

      • Very intelligent comment. North London is ours. The passion is ours. The moral high ground is ours. We wil rise again to put Woolwich in our shadow. The tide is turning. ” Oh when the Spurs go marching in ” from the new Kop end in new stadium and Tottenham will be globally iconic. mark my words!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. RvP- Set me free
    Samir Nasri- A bigger club has me
    Jack Wilshere- Play once a year
    Marouane Chamakh- I’m crap in attack
    Alex Song- Box-to-box pong
    Lukas Padolski- My club’s a sh*thole….. ski

  6. I really like the way Lennon rhymes with Lemon, well done there mate, not everyone would have thought of that!

      • I’ve got a better idea Phil. don’t bother until you have an idea in the first place. poor poor effort

      • Aww, don’t be like that, it’s just that I thought the whole point of cockney was to make it up with words that really do rhyme…

      • It’s a difficult one, Lennon. Might as well be orange. Arsanal felon – Aaron Lennon. Does that make sense? In all fairness it’s not usually him that kills ya, usually Bentley or Rose.

  7. To all you tottenham fans out there you give it so hard when your a few points clear mid-season and when it blows up in your face like it does every season you go running and hiding expecting that everyone has forgotten how you spoke about our great club Arsenal FC. We arsenal fans love to wind you dirty, chavvy, danny dyer wannabe yids up. you guys always go crying everytime we say something negative about your poor, poor club. but you guys think you can speak shit about arsenal unitl it blows up in your face and you start crying. arsenal are building my pedigree friend, be worryed

    • nah we are just bored sh*tless waiting for you to sell RVP so we can buy a striker etc. Or is it us selling Modric so that we can buy and you can sell…..hate summer over there as the weekends here seem so long. The OP wa sactually reasonably funny in a noxious sort of way but I always feel that the “hit” need fulfilled by provoking the old enemy is a bit woeful but at least there was an attempt at humour unlike the Chelski sites who emerged from the wastes when Abramovitch, came, saw and finally if boringly conquered, like t**ds in a poor flush and leave their stench behind always.

    • you’re missing the point afc. You think we Spurs fans are ‘wound up’ by this? By all means, be negative about our ‘poor poor’ club. Call us what you like, but do it with just SOME humour/skill/creative thought. No one’s crying at this shite but for laughing at how shit it is.
      Then you go on to say…. arsenal are building my pedigree friend, be worryed.
      That is the strangest sentence I’ve ever read. Are you making dog-food or something

      • afc is actually quite amusing..he doesn’t reply to questions or statements of fact but just throws insults>IIRC Huddersfield town and PNE were both champions before someone at Woolwich kicked a ball buy I guess pity when deserved has to be applied. Most gooners are intelligent but not all unfortunately.
        ASnyone ever see the old movie:”The Arsenal Stadium Mystery”? IIRC someone was killing off gooners and he WASN’T a THFC supporter. The shame!!!

  8. Gold coast you really are a sad bastard. is that all you can say. you actually sit there and proof read my hole paragraph..tut tut time to get a job and stop sitting round watching littile british gangster movies in your spurst kit working on your danny dyer image

    • Wow hit a nerve with that, really ! Someone needs some counselling. It is not proof reading if your taught how to spell correctly my pedigree friend hahahahaha muppet

      • i think you need some counselling on the basis that you havent seen your team win anything of significance in over two decades. you little danny dyers need to wake up and smell the hummus you live for arsenal fc, you cant live without us, your goal each and every season is to finish above arsenal but you always fail with hilarious consequences. maybe i have hit a nerve with that one though

      • Am I missing something here or are you a complete muppet ? Danny dyer is a hammers fan. Your reply sounds like your trying to convince yourself, we know how worried you French pansies are now we’re so close to eclipsing you. A few sleepless nights is what your in for this season mr.pedigree

      • yeah thats right mate you guys are really, really close to “eclipsing” us, i think you’ve been close going on 6 years now…and yes you stupid yid i know danny dyer is a hammer, but all you guys act the same little chavvys,haha

  9. Talking of pedigrees, didn’t you lot used to play football that bored the rest of the league to death?
    How is it possible to support two styles of football, now that you play similar to SPURS?

    • ye didnt you guys win a first division trophy some 50 plus years ago? i cant seem to remember tho, it was a long time mind.

      • in 20 attempts no cl trophy, you may have more prem titles but you cant even match our european cups, must be very sad that your not a european heavy weight, but dont be sad your going to win the quad this season.

  10. That was hilariously funny man ……. Why do you think it hurt so much for the
    SPURS = Lasagna Connoisseurs !!!!!

  11. Typical gooner. English or comprehension of Cockney rhyming slang a foreign subject.
    Apples and pears-stairs The second part is the rhyming part for ONE word. None of the pathetic example get close.
    “AVB Gone by January” and “Luka Modric Impertinent titch” illuistrate a pathetic basis for an article.
    Proves that Care in the Community are negligent and Islinton is the village missing it’s idiot.
    HGow embarrassing for grown up gooners to number this pathetic cretin amongst them. A new low in pathetic egos. Look at,look at me seems to come across. I’ve seen more intelligence from dog. and she accepts that she’s a bitch.

  12. I guess Tottenham fans will respond when Arsenal fans are so fixated about the ‘little’ team down the road who aren’t a threat. Oh and it’s not very funny. When you go back to school in September I think you will get a ‘see me at playtime’ or if you are at senior school ‘could do better’.

      • As pointed out, you pretend gooners don’t know what Cockney rhyming slang is, but fogetting that a moment Iceman – is that really the best you can do? You have actually read that, sat down and written Big Mal = likes big gal. I will revise my original comment – you must be in pre school. How about Iceman = likes to take big man. When you come up to London on a primary school trip in a few years time, find out what Cockney rhyming slang is all about, but one thing I agree with Redknapp – what a load of crap. Just thought of another one Arsene Wenger = a complete bender. Look forward to more of your inciteful wit.

  13. Holloway Bowl = No atmosphere shithole.
    RvP = It’s not about monee
    Lauren Koscielny = Not wanted by Citeh (unluckily for Arsene)
    Lukas Podolski = Definate Flopski
    Chesney the clown = Flappin’ around
    Lauren Chamakh = Like’s it up the dirt track

      • Love the brand new scarves and the fact that the song petered out so quickly. ‘Here is proof of all our Jeremys, Nigels, Piers singing’. If you sing there is no need to post a clip singing, it’s just taken as read. Very very sad. Very embarrassing. Boomer – you just don’t get it.

  14. Wasn’t iceman screwed by maverick?
    That must have hurt but I guess it explains the material in his posts and the ease with which they explode onto the screen when he cometh.

    To his Fellow gooners if he doesn’t get it explain it to him please as I must retire

  15. How funny is all this, kids in a playground, nice to know the season is almost on us, once again the Tiny Totts will fail again, once again their moronic fans will claim the ‘Delboy term’ this time we will finish above Arsenal, we will watch as we always have done since the dictator arrived that the Tiny Totts will implode at some point, when we f*** up we can always count on the Marsh dwellers to give us a laugh. Lillywhites= got the shites,

  16. Best thing I’ve seen on the internet for a long time. Reading the comments left by sp*rs fans only made it better. GENIUS

  17. will…mind that gap!!!! haha they get so full of hope this time of year, i cant wait for the famous “spurs are on the up” and/or “tottenham will definitely finish above arsenal this season”…well spurs fans we have been waiting 16 years.

    • afc you are an idiot as IF you had looked at your own sites when we had the 13 point advantage, you would have noticed my frequent comments was that it would not last and that Wenger knew what he was doing. That was when you lot were howling for his head. That has to define a moron in you.

  18. A serious(if possible here) question: are there any THFC sites out there that waste time trying to bait gooners?
    I know that I, for one, could not be bothered, as cheating apart, we have more in common than either of us appreciate even if it gives both of us the horrors.
    I only try to annoy those I like as those I don’t i wouldn’t waste my time.

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