I was inspired by a picture of Arsenal’s 1975 squad, featuring Brian Kidd. He had a lot of hair. Far more than was sensible. So I had a look to see who should join him in a Bad Hair team.

1 David SeamanWho else could it be in goal? Honourable mention to the wavy 1970s wonder atop Pat Jennings, but you can’t beat the ponytail. What was he thinking? He also did a passable impression of Steve Wright In The Afternoon.

2 Terry Mancini

These days baldies just get the razor out and ditch the lot, but in the seventies there was no shame in classic male pattern baldness. Well, not much. It was better than the Bobby Charlton combover, anyway. Good work, Terry.

3 Willie Young

This looks like a ginger helmet. I’m sure he used to have it longer than this, but I couldn’t find a picture. Why does he not have ears?

4 Alex Song

You could almost make up the full eleven just with pictures of Song.

See what I mean? Has he lost a bet with a hairdresser? I haven’t even bothered with the mohican.

5 Cesc Fabregas

He was only young, but this is where you need leadership in the dressing room, an older wiser head to say, “No! No mullets! This is not Bayern Munchen! And nor are you Chris Waddle or Barry Venison.” *slap*

6 Emmanuel Petit

Another pony tail. Say no more.

8 Brian Kidd

Annoyingly, I couldn’t find a good enough picture of him in Arsenal kit, when the ‘fro was really big, but as these show he carried that huge topiary work around with him for some years. There were birds nesting in that. Big birds, crows and stuff. Swans, probably.

9 Charlie George

Bad enough in ’71, by the time of this pic in ’73 it was beyond redemption. Sad to say, in recent years it hasn’t improved much!

10 Alan Sunderland

Now THAT my friend is a perm. He literally spent the whole summer in the hairdressers before this was taken.

11 Marouane Chamakh

“Right, that’s finished. Would you like a little bit of gel on it, sir? Yes? Oh, I’m sorry the lid has come off! It’s all over you! I can get a towel. Really? You like it? Are you sure sir? I mean you do know you look like your head has been up a cow’s backside?”

Subs: Perry Groves, Charlie Nicholas, Glenn Helder, Emmanuel Frimpong

Basically, this is just trying too hard.

As is this:

Whereas this is just not trying at all:

Alex song taught him everything he knows:

Some bonuses:

Ray Parlour/Charlie Dimmock:

I love the Romford Pele. I have a picture of him up in the toilet. But even he knows he used to look silly.

Bacary Sagna:

Well he’s happy with it.

Gervinho

This is what he looks like now:

Just a hint of forehead there. And this is what he looked like as a youngster:

I know which I think looks more sensible!