When Sovsport magazine turned up on my Twitter feed wanting to publish my ‘Which Premier League Team Should You Support?’ graphic, they needed a bit of explanation on the reasons why I’d presented certain choices. Non-Russian speakers will note the pictures they’ve helpfully provided down the right hand side, of curly-haired Scousers, Delia Smith, a half-empty JJB Stadium and fat half-naked Geordies. I won’t give the full rundown of the logic, but from the translation back from Russian to English very helpfully provided to me by Anna Lvova, aka @MadRuskiGunner, they have done quite a good job of explaining most of it. They may have slightly missed the nuances of exactly why Newcastle fans insist on removing their shirts, but overall I think they’ve got it.

They’ve also got three Russian footballing ‘celebrities’ to go through the chart and see what their ideal team is:

Andrei Chervichenko, ex-President of Spartak Moscow

Are you just interested in victories?

No. For a moment of perfect emotional a beautiful game is sometimes more important.

Do you like big cities?

For someone as energetic and restless as me, small cities are deadly.

Do you like curly hair and moustaches?

Are you hinting at Liverpool? If you haven’t noticed, I am bald these days and have no ’tache. So not really.

Is the beauty of the game important?

Of course. You are talking about the beautiful game, not half-time entertainment.

Congratulations: your team is QPR.

They are from London. I love the city. If only I knew the football they played…

 

Andrei Kanchelskis, former Man U midfielder

Are you solely interested in victories?

Of course. Naturally.

Are you Northern?

Definitely not. As I remember northern teams in London for example are considered weaker than the southern ones. (Hello? Not sure what he means here! Something lost in translation perhaps, or else he’s a blithering idiot, one of the two.)

Do you value history?

Absolutely. There is no club without history.

Your perfect club is Man U. As if there was any doubt…

Not to be bragging or anything but I will prove that I know my history. Man U has 19 league titles.

 

Vladimir Stognienko, commentator

Are you solely interested in victories?

No, I am not a glory hunter.

Do you like big cities?

In England I like small cities. They are funny. I think they are great to live in.

Are you sure you’re working class and don’t just like to cook?

Since I love cooking and collect cookery books my choice is obvious. And of course I know who Delia Smith is.

Your perfect club is Norwich.

Well quite a fun team. But frankly speaking the squad is quite weak.

 

And finally, down in the right hand corner is yours truly.Trying to look cool.

Twitter: @AngryOfN5