As we all know, Chelsea are now the biggest club in London, as evidenced by their long and glorious history, stretching back almost a full decade, and their list of titles that is as long as Sheffield Wednesday’s and nearly half as long as Everton’s. And their position as England’s first franchise club, formed to make better use of a greyhound stadium. But how much do you know about the glamour boys of British football? See if you’re up on Blues history with:

The Chelsea Quiz

1. Chelsea get through so many managers because:
a. All the power is in the hands of players like Terry and Lampard
b. Roman Abramovich is a spoilt interfering brat
c. Roman Abramovich has as much of a clue about football as the Queen has about Facebook
d. Roman Abramovich wants the best for the club, and will always appoint the best manager at any time

2. Former Manager Claudio Ranieri is best remembered for:
a. Hanging around a couple of years with little success then going home to Italy
b. Pissing Ken Bates off quite quickly
c. Saying unintelligible things in post-match interviews
d. Leading the club to the glory it deserves

3. Former manager Ruud Gullit spent most of his time at Chelsea:
a. Poncing about in King’s Road boutiques
b. At home in Amsterdam
c. On TV talking bollocks about sexy football
d. Leading the club to the glory it deserved

4. Former Manager Gianluca Vialli is best remembered for:
a. His silly facial hair
b. Trying to bring the tank top back into fashion
c. An inability to pronounce relatively simple English words
d. Leading the club to the glory it deserved

5. While at the Bridge, Graham Le Saux read the Guardian every weekday after training and the Observer before matches on Sundays. What was Dennis Wise’s nickname for him?
a. Graham Norton
b. The Professor
c. That Jersey poof
d. England’s left back

6. What was the most outstanding thing about Gianfranco Zola?
a. His nose
b. He was a midget
c. He was an overrated midget who only looked talented compared to the dross surrounding him
d. He was probably the greatest foreigner ever to play football in England

7. Frank Le Beouf quite often got into trouble with referees while at Chelsea. This was because:
a. He was a cheating git
b. He was a cheating whining git
c. Referees didn’t like him because he was a cheating whining git
d. He was misunderstood and may have played hard but was always fair

8. Ken Bates was put in charge of building a new national stadium because:
a. No one else wanted the job
b. The only people more inept than Ken Bates are those who appointed him
c. The FA didn’t actually want a national stadium and have now been lumbered with a huge debt
d. He’d made such a great job of building Chelsea into a world class club at the forefront of English and European football

9. It’s been a good Premiership season for Chelsea when:
a. They get some points against Arsenal
b. They finish as second highest London club
c. They finish with the same manager they started with
d. They’re crowned champions, with the glory they deserve

10. When Dennis Wise was accused of beating up a taxi driver:
a. He was merely carrying his on-field behaviour into his private life
b. He did it because he thought he’d get away with it
c. He deserved to be sent down for six months and banned from football for life
d. He was obviously innocent and unfairly framed

11. The “Chelsea Village” is:
a. Really rather silly
b. An appalling monument to Ken Bates’s ego
c. Something that should never have got planning permission
d. An integral part of the successful plan which has put Chelsea at the forefront of English and European football

12. Chelsea won the League once a very long time ago, in 1955. In the time before they managed to buy it again:
a. Seven other clubs won the title at least twice
b. Even Spurs had a better record
c. They were crap and spent a large part of the time just trying to stay in the top division
d. They were desperately unlucky, but as London’s top club it was surely only a matter of time before they got the glory they deserve

13. John Terry is:
a. Lucky to still have his liberty
b. Unpleasant and avaricious
c. Constantly setting a bad example to the youth of the country
d. England’s greatest captain and a national hero

If you answered D to all questions, congratulations! Take your place among the Chelsea faithful with pride.
If you answered anything else you are too rooted in reality. Keep away from Stamford Bridge, there is nothing for you there.