Here’s some stuff that annoys me on Twitter. That’s the kind of mood I’m in.
- Transfer rumours, where people apparently ‘in the know’ say “Don’t worry about us signing X – that’s 100% a done deal”, and this is about four months before the transfer window opens! Actually no one knows until the contract is actually signed that it’s 100% a done deal. Negotiations stall for all kinds of reasons. People change their minds, even simple minded footballers.
- Attacking ex-players of your club. Why bother? Really, what is the point? Is your life so empty? Samir Nasri is a good example. He’s had hundreds of abusive messages from Arsenal fans, and now he’s won a medal he has reacted. Result: even more slagging off! Maybe if he’d been ignored in the first place he wouldn’t have bothered reacting. He’s left Arsenal; he’s not important anymore.
- Threats of violence to other tweeters. Childish and stupid. Often criminal as well.
- Constantly asking for new followers, especially when claiming to have a bet going with a rival tweeter who supports a rival football team: “I must get 2000 followers by the month end to beat a Spurs fan.” Oh shut up. Why not just say stuff people want to hear? Sure it’s slow getting new followers for most people, me included, but at least offer something in return for begging.
- Constantly repeating incorrect statements as fact, particularly when concerned with Arsenal. Eg “There’s £100m to spend on new players.” Is there? Have you counted it? Do you have any evidence? Real evidence that would stand up in court?
- Complaining about ex-players working for other clubs. Arsenal seem to have two-thirds of the staff at Man City these days, but so what? Man City offered them jobs, Arsenal presumably didn’t. What would you do? Even Charlie George said if it came to it he would have signed for Spurs as a player. It’s a job. Ignore them if you don’t like it.
- A gratuitous picture of Sylvie van der Vaart. I don’t like her earrings.
Did I say earrings? I meant husband.
- Tweeting about talkSPORT. I never listen to talkSPORT; it’s basically the worst kind of tabloid radio. But I know what goes on there, because so many people get sucked in and listen then tweet about it. Also I know that in ten years’ time the likes of Adrian Durham will be interviewed and say, “Yeah, we used to make up any rubbish to get people listening and phoning in. We had a whole campaign to wind up Arsenal fans because there were so many on Twitter and Facebook. It was all about the ratings, didn’t matter what we said.”
- Hashtagging tweets with ‘justsaying’ is getting a bit tired now, as is retweeting with the words ‘spot on’ in front of it. But worse is just tweeting ‘This ->’ with a link. All right, what’s your link for? Give me a frigging clue! Clicking links on a phone is not done lightly you know. I need something to tell me it’s going to be worthwhile.
- Asking people to retweet your links when you don’t even follow them. That’s just taking liberties.
- People being fooled into thinking that fake player accounts are real and retweeting their crap. Mostly it’s pretty obvious what is fake if you actually look at the crap they’re tweeting. And that Sol Campbell one: fake. And the other Sol Campbell one: also fake.
- Arsenal fans addressing tweets to Arsène Wenger saying, “You missed out on signing X, quickly sign Y before you miss him as well!” Usually they add some insult. And usually I don’t know what makes them think that Arsène even wanted X in the first place, and who knows whether X wanted to come to Arsenal. Perhaps X genuinely felt happier going to Chelsea, Man Utd, Liverpool, Barcelona, Scunthorpe, whatever. You don’t know what talks have taken place or what scouting has been done. No manager gets all transfers right and you wouldn’t either.